Episode 16: Amy Goodon in Cranbrook, B.C. Remembers her friend Brendan

Jenna Keeble 00:00

Unsilencing Stories is a podcast that reflects the voices of people in small towns and communities in Canada, who have lost loved ones to the toxic drug supply crisis. Since 2016. More than 30,000 people have died from fatal overdoses in Canada and that number continues to climb. The risk in smaller towns and communities is much higher than urban areas because of a lack of harm reduction services, and stigma against substance use and people who use drugs. This podcast is part of a community based participatory research project facilitated by Aaron Goodman, Ph.D., a faculty member at Kwantlen Polytechnic University in Surrey, B.C., along with students Jenna Keeble and Ashley Pocrnich. 

The aim was to assist collaborators in publicly memorializing their loved ones and expressing grief as well as challenging silences imposed by dominant media organizations and stigma from society against substance use and people who use drugs. We hope these nuanced stories make it clear why the government needs to be doing more to prevent further deaths. Please note this podcast contains information about overdose death, grief and trauma that may be distressing to listen to. In this episode, you'll hear Ben Vanloon interviewing Amy Goondon in Cranbrook, B.C. Amy remembers her friend Brendan who experienced a fatal opioid overdose.

Ben 01:14

What is your first and last name? 

Amy 01:16

Amy Goondon.

Ben 01:18

Where do you live?

Amy 01:20

Cranbrook, B.C.

Ben 01:23

Is there one person you'd like to speak about who died from an overdose?

Amy 01:28

There's a few people. The most recent was a friend of mine. But we only met in the summer. She was clean for two months and decided to, I don't know why but started using again. We had to Narcan him numerous times when he started using again. Then I guess he decided to go use by himself with no one around. He overdosed on it. It impacted me a lot because we had gotten so close to him, and it sucked.

Ben 02:22

Can you tell me their first and last name?

Amy 02:26

I don't know what Brendan's last name was.

Ben 02:28

How old was he?

Amy 02:31

He was early 30s.

Ben 02:35

Where did they live? 

Amy 02:37

Cranbrook.

Ben 02:39

Can you describe a moment or time that you've shared together?

Amy 02:44

Lots of times spending time together in the tent and talking about random stuff, like just getting to know each other.

Ben 02:56

What do you remember most about it?

Amy 03:01

He is very genuine and sincere, and I can just tell by talking to him that he was somebody that I could trust.

Ben 03:10

What was your relationship with them?

Amy 03:13

A good friend

Ben 03:15

Tell me about them.

Amy 03:16

He's just a really good person and really trustworthy. He was going through, I guess, a very difficult breakup. He kept telling people that he didn't want to live anymore. But he definitely didn't deserve to not be here because of it. 

Ben 03:46

What is your first memory of him?

Amy 03:53

We met him at Ankors actually. He was upset because he couldn't get needles. He would send in his girlfriend, and he was really upset and angry, but it wasn't him at all. Like I never after that time, I never seen him angry like that again.

Ben 04:21

Where's your best memory of them?

Amy 04:23

I'd lost my phone and I hadn't even known him that long actually. But I lost my phone, and it was somewhere in the area where we had our tent set up. I told him, I was like because he could tell that I was upset, so he asked me what was wrong, and I said I lost my phone. He's like go over here I have something to show you and he found my phone and gave it back. He very, very easily could have sold it for drugs. 

Ben 04:59

What is your most vivid memory of them?

Amy 05:07

Knowing that I could trust him.

Ben 05:09

What did he mean to you?

Amy 05:12

Just really good friend.

Ben 05:14

Are you comfortable to talk about their death?

Amy 05:19

I think I already said it. He decided to use it by himself and he ODed. 

Ben 05:27

What was the hardest thing about losing him?

Amy 05:30

He is such a good caring guy, and I didn't trust very many people, especially in this type of like the drug scene, I guess you could say, you can't you just can't trust very many people in the drug scene and he definitely was somebody you could trust.

Ben 05:55

What would you ask them if they were here today?

Amy 06:00

How he's feeling and if he was okay. I didn't think he was really suicidal or anything but, I knew he was upset about the breakup, but no, I would just ask him if he's okay.

Ben 06:17

What do you miss most about them?

Amy 06:19

He was funny. He always made us laugh.

Ben 06:26

How do you think they would want to be remembered?

Amy 06:30

As a good person.

Ben 06:33

Can you talk about the biggest obstacle they overcame? 

Amy 06:37

Well, he did quit doing drugs for two months so, I'd say that would probably be it. 

Ben 06:46

Is there anything you guys disagreed about or fought over? 

Amy 06:52

No, not that I can think of.

Ben 06:55

What was your relationship like?

Amy 06:58

Just really good friendship.

Ben 07:00

What did he look like?

Amy 07:05

Tall, really tall. Skinny, dark hair. 

Ben 07:12

Did you have any favorite jokes they used to tell?

Amy 07:18

I can't remember jokes for my life, so I don't know. 

Ben 07:21

Do you have any stories you want to share about them?

Amy 07:21

Him finding my phone and giving it back.

Ben 07:38

What were their hopes and dreams for the future?

Amy 07:42

Well, he, him, and his girlfriend before they separated, they were getting an apartment together. Pretty much buying a condo together and that didn't happen. He was really looking forward to that.

Ben 08:05

How are you different now than you were before you lost him?

Amy 08:10

I was really careful even before it happened, but I am a lot more careful now.

Ben 08:19

What is an image of them that has stayed with you?

Amy 08:23

The good one. We hadn't seen him in over two months. For two months, we didn't know where he was or what happened or anything. Nobody knew that he actually went and got clean. Yeah, it was it was a good feeling to see him at the same time, I knew why he was there.

Ben 08:56

Do you have any traditions yet to honor them?

Amy 09:00

Not yet, because it just happened.

Ben 09:03

What has helped you the most in your grief?

Amy 09:08

You, you helped me the most. 

Ben 09:11

What are the hardest times?

Amy 09:13

Just knowing that he's not going to be around like, I wonder what Brendan's doing. Oh, yeah, he's not here.

Ben 09:26

Did you call him any nicknames or Terms of Endearment? Did they have a nickname for you?

Amy 09:34

I can't remember. Did he?

Ben 09:39

He had a good sense of humor, that's for sure. 

Amy 09:41

Yeah. I don't know. he might've called me Aimes or something. I don't remember exactly.

Ben 09:50

Is there any particular lesson you learn from them?

Amy 09:54

Just obviously don't use alone, always make sure there's somebody around. Just try not to get too down on yourself. If something does happen like that, like him, him and his girlfriend breaking up.

Ben 10:19

How long did you know him?

Amy 10:21

Probably about, at least seven months. 

Ben 10:26

What do you think they value most in life? 

Amy 10:29

His girlfriend. 

Ben 10:31

What words would you use to describe his character?

Amy 10:35

Well, witty. He was always joking around. He's very witty. 

Ben 10:47

How would you describe his personality? 

Amy 10:51

Witty. Yeah, he had a good sense of humor.

Ben 10:58

What was their laugh like?

Amy 11:01

I don't know how to describe it. It was a good laugh.

Ben 11:06

Do you have any funny times you spent together?

Amy 11:10

When we had our tents set up, because there was sand or sand all around the tent and he always had buried his drugs. Sometimes he forgets to mark where it was or even, he would mark where it was and he still couldn't find it so there'd be like holes dug all over the place.

Ben 11:44

Did he ever discuss big decisions he made that impacted his life?

Amy 11:48

I know he wishes that he would've went with his girlfriend instead of staying in the tent that day because that's the day that he lost her.

Ben 12:00

What would your day together look like?

Amy 12:10

Just hanging out, talking, and probably walking around.

Ben 12:18

Was there a piece of piece of clothing or something he wore that you found distinct about them or separates them from others?

Amy 12:28

I just remember him always being in a hoodie and jeans.

Ben 12:34

How did he impact your life? 

Amy 12:36

He gave me hope and not everyone in the drug scene is as untrustworthy as it feels like they are.

Ben 12:48

How will you honor their memory? 

Amy 12:52

Keeping them in my heart and hopefully, they never had a funeral for him so that was kind of hard. 

Ben 12:59

What do you wish you could have said before they died?

Amy 13:04

A lot. To stay safe and not use alone and that he was a really good friend.

Jenna Keeble 13:12

That brings us to the end of this episode of the Unsilencing Stories podcast. To listen to more interviews in the series, please go to www.unsilencingstories.com, and if you'd like to share your thoughts on the episode, message us at unsilencingstories@gmail.com. Thank you so much for listening and please share the project with other people you know.