Episode 12: Stephanie Norton in Prince George, B.C. Remembers Her Former Partner

Jenna Keeble 00:00

Unsilencing Stories is a podcast that reflects the voices of people in small towns and communities in Canada, who have lost loved ones to the toxic drug supply crisis. Since 2016. More than 30,000 people have died from fatal overdoses in Canada and that number continues to climb. The risk in smaller towns and communities is much higher than urban areas because of a lack of harm reduction services, and stigma against substance use and people who use drugs. This podcast is part of a community based participatory research project facilitated by Aaron Goodman, Ph.D., a faculty member at Kwantlen Polytechnic University in Surrey, B.C., along with students Jenna Keeble and Ashley Pocrnich. 

The aim was to assist collaborators in publicly memorializing their loved ones and expressing grief as well as challenging silences imposed by dominant media organizations and stigma from society against substance use and people who use drugs. We hope these nuanced stories make it clear why the government needs to be doing more to prevent further deaths. Please note this podcast contains information about overdose death, grief and trauma that may be distressing to listen to. In this episode, you'll hear Shauna Russell interviewing Stephanie Norton in Prince George, B.C., about Stephanie's ex-partner and friend who experienced a fatal overdose. Stephanie chose not to disclose their name due to privacy concerns.

Shauna 01:17

Do you want to tell me about who's the person that you want to memorialize today?

Stephanie 01:24

Yeah, I'd rather not say their name. They're living in Red Deer, Alberta. I think for me, the most important memory I have of that person is the very first time I ever saw them. I've never seen a person in my life that was like them in any way. They locked eyes with me, I locked eyes at them and that's just it, it’s like, my life like glue. And not necessarily a perfect way. But no, like no one else ever could be just like a force of nature, a charming force of nature.

Shauna 01:54

What really stands out for you about him?

Stephanie 02:00

I don't know. His energy, his confidence, his loyalty, his fearlessness, like who he was, it's like, unlike anyone like I've ever met my life. It's like a definite loss for the world, let alone for me. He had a lot more than he could have shown the world that chose not to. I think he did that on purpose. He didn't care, he wanted to have for himself, but he shared it with me, right? Like, I got to see it.

Shauna 02:23

Like you feel like you had a really different viewpoint of him than other people had, like, you got to see like a different side of him than other people.

Stephanie 02:30

Oh, absolutely. Like, no, nobody got to see that. Like very few people. Very few people who choose to show that to you, like a handful of people as well, in his short life, but nobody really liked him at all. It's kind of horrible in a lot of ways, but like magical and powerful in one-hundred other ways. Hilarious, awesome. No one ever made me laugh like that, for sure. Never again.

Shauna 02:53

What was your relationship with him like? In the time that you knew him. 

Stephanie 02:59

At first, like of course, he was my partner but then he became like, my like asshole of an older brother, essentially, who just like plagued my life. But a lot of them there like, no matter how much stress and strain and frustration he gave me, I still wanted him there. He's like a brother to me. 

Shauna 03:19

What's your most vivid memory of him?

Stephanie 03:21

Absolutely began like the first moment I saw him. Yeah, because he passed by my room, locked eyes with me and then passed right back, like look around the corner like, hmm, who are you? Who are you? You're like coming into my room? This is crazy. Like, get out of here. I don't know. No one's ever like looked at me like that in my life. Like I was someone, I was someone to stop and like a house full of 40 people who am I? No one had ever done that before. Then he took me to the park, to real date to the park. And that was it. I didn't even like him, I was kind of mean to him. But I had to go, I couldn't not go I had to just, I don't know, I was drawn to him. I wanted to see who he was. I don't know my most vivid memory, absolutely, the very first time I saw him, and he looked at me, you know, to him, and I was like, oh God, I'm in for it, can I get rid of this person. I might as well go for coffee with him. 

Shauna 04:14

It sounds like just like right off the bat, he just made you feel really special.

Shauna 04:18

Oh, absolutely. A room full of you know, super-hot chicks. That's just like, why do you want to hang out with me? I have like a crazy like $400 fedora on and like, dressed to the nines. 

Stephanie 04:29

If he were here today, what would you ask him?

Shauna 04:32

Like what were you doing? What was going on in his head? Or what was he feeling that he given up his whole life to like to go and work and make all this money to start farming and like doing all this stuff that you didn't ever, in my opinion of him done and then what brought him to that place? Did he lose his spark, did like something happened? What turned his spark off? How did he find himself just alone? What happened? What was going on? Never like so we could have seen that person at all that going to just be like hiding alone. What went wrong? I guess. 

Shauna 05:03

Do you want to share any kind of like what happened? 

Stephanie 05:07

Yeah, well, he just been working up north and using a lot, I'm guessing to sleep to keep having enough energy to work, then coming home that he can't sleep because it's doing too many uppers and then he's doing downers to relax and sleep and get some rest. And he's just alone. The one thing I always knew of him was that he always used here and there. Not so frequently, I wouldn't say, but frequently enough, more so than most people. But he always made sure he wasn't alone. He was never alone. Someone was always there like many times before, I'd come home, and he'd be there with someone, and he'd be ODing. And someone would be there like helping him and I'm like, oh, my God, like what's going on? But every time that I knew, like, because he had overdosed many, many times, what had changed in his mind that he didn't want someone to be there, you know? Maybe he wanted to go. Maybe that was his plan. Who knows? I think about that a lot. 

Shauna 06:01

What can you think about him that, like, still makes me smile?

Stephanie 06:04

I know his jokes for sure. No one's, no one in my life has ever been funnier than that guy for sure. I don't know everything he says, every time I hear like a certain even word, like on the radio or something like my friend earlier was like, "I got to do this interview. Like it's money and all" and I could hear, all I could think in my head was like, tell the Dollar Store y'all. Like, say some sort of comment.

Shauna 06:26

Do you have any, like jokes that were like, just between the two of you?

Stephanie 06:31

I don't know. I feel like we had lots more so like body language, or like, he just had his way of cheering me up, always with specific jokes. No, he just kind of told the same jokes all the time to everyone, but it's more like how he told the jokes, right? He’d make this like eye contact with you, like if he cared about you, if you didn't care what you just said, like look around, like whatever it was, but like saw into your soul, right? So, if you just like did a weird face or was different? 

Shauna 06:55

Do you have a favorite memory of him? 

Stephanie 06:57

Almost every memory I have with him, even horrible memories. Just so ingrained in my soul a lot. Everything about him. Even when you're pissed at him. You're like, oh god, like, what's, what's he going to do? Or what's he going to say? After he said it? You're always glad he did. Like someone had to say it, you know, just because the way he said it was like, horrible or cruel or hilarious. No one else was willing to say it. He didn't dick around. It's almost like he knew like he only had so much time he had to just like, not dick around, like, say and do all the things I want to say and do. Because that's how I want to be like, I don't want to waste my time small talking, you know, he didn't do that.

Shauna 07:41

Do you remember any favorite stories about childhood that he ever told? 

Stephanie 07:45

Yeah, I do. I have this story, it's like embarrassing stories especially now that I'm a mom. So, I really like it, especially now. But he'd say that his mom, he was telling his mom and him his brother, like telling his mom like, "Oh, we want all these cool toys for Christmas. And we got to have all these like deadly toys". And she was like, "Oh, yeah, cool, fine. We'll go get those toys then". She took them to the, to the Walmart like probably the Kmart actually, at that time, but to come down the Kmart and like, let them fill the cart with like, whatever you guys want, like just fill the cart up and they were like, "Whoa mom, really?" Like they're super poor. So, they were super surprised. And like, she went around the Kmart and like let them fill up the cart, like every cool toy they could ever imagine. But she's like, “Are you done?”, they're like, “Yeah, we're done”. So, they go up to the cashier, she rings everything to like 600 bucks or something. And the woman's like, you know, like what's you know, form of payment. She's all like, “Right now my kids think they just deserve all these things for Christmas. Oh, this is what they need. This is all the other kids have. This is what's going to happen. So why don't you tell my kids like, I can't afford to buy them any of the stuff in this car”. And their like faces are white. She's like crying at the till and he was just like, I never asked for like anything for Christmas again, he was like just embarrassed like, people are waiting, like the ladies ringing other stuff in. 

That's when he learned like, oh, poverty wise you know, he just like his mom just like threw it right in the face. Like it's like the biggest, most real way she could you know, no parents ever do that. Parents don't tell their kids like, what money even means that she like told him he's like five years old. She's like, this is what it means. Like we can't have any of this stuff, you know, but he didn't tell it like a mean way. He told it like that's the most hilarious thing my mom ever did way. I think it taught him a lot about the value of money and also says a lot about him. How like someone can tell like somewhat a horrible story but he just made it like hilarious. Mom was like throwing it, throwing down the whip. Yeah, she's also deadly just as deadly as he was yet. That's a hilarious story. 

Shauna 09:41

Yeah, I feel like that like the way that he like precedes that story like or precede that story and just like retold it. I think that says a lot about him. What do you think that he really valued the most in his life?

Stephanie 09:54

Family 100% That's all that mattered to him was his family. I don't know. That's what I mean about like even me specifically, he like he chose me as his family and even though like it didn't work out, I was just like his annoying kid sister that he like, had to take care of. No, that's all that mattered to him was his sister and his brother and his mom, his grandparents. That's all that's all it mattered to him in the world. His dog. His best friend's very few that there were. He had done anything for them shoes and shirt off his back. That's all I cared about. Love. Just cared about love. He loved a little too many people but women I should say, that's all I cared about. Yeah. And he was like, yes, hats. Shoes and hats got to be in there.

Shauna 10:35

Like, what do you think about like, the hat was hat so meaningful for him about that?

Stephanie 10:39

Well, I don't know, in some ways, I feel like it was just like, his like costume you know, just had to be like, more extravagant than like everyone else around him, kind of an old soul in a lot of ways and I think he like saw it more like he be respected, a respected man wore a nice hat. Someone of value has a nice hat. That's your like, status symbol, you know? When you have like a grubby hat, he was like felt like, like can't rock that. He would like throw it away. Even if it's a nice hat and it got a little dirty or something, can't have that. But it wasn't like oh, I want to look cool at all, no.

We'd go down to like the haberdashery in Toronto's. It's this crazy little store this crazy like walls and walls and walls of hats like it was either like Alice in Wonderland or something. It was nuts. And it's tiny old man like grisly Old like 98-year-old man like ran the story and like 80 pounds. He’d look at that guy, like no other way I'd ever seen him look at anybody. He just like respected this old man. He'd like tip his hat at him like, thanks for like giving me the power almost. He'd go down there like once every few years like buy a new hat. If he didn't respect you, you were nothing. If you didn't respect him, he made sure you respected them. He'd give you a reason why and if you really want to make an impression, he'd go home and change his hat. So, I think it's for sure just like respect, he made sure he wore that hat that day. He went home and like changed it, put his nicer hat off to take me to the park. Like wanted me to see his value. That's his prized possession. Absolutely. 

Shauna 12:10

Is there anything else that you want to add about him?

Stephanie 12:14

I don't know. I love him, for sure. I'll never meet another person or love another person. Like I did for him. he Like, touched my life more than almost anybody and not something I was expecting at all. It came upon me like a hurricane. I'm in your life now, so That's it, and I didn't think you'd ever go away. I never thought anything could take them out. I thought it'd be here we could have it for like it forever. I didn't think anything could kill him. No one's invincible. Now when it comes to this, that's for sure.

Jenna Keeble 12:44

That brings us to the end of this episode of the Unsilencing Stories podcast. To listen to more interviews in the series, please go to www.unsilencingstories.com, and if you'd like to share your thoughts on the episode, message us at unsilencingstories@gmail.com. Thank you so much for listening and please share the project with other people you know.