Unsilencing Stories

Episode 7: Taija McLuckie in Courtenay, B.C. Remembers Her Cousin Brandon

February 22, 2023 Episode 7
Unsilencing Stories
Episode 7: Taija McLuckie in Courtenay, B.C. Remembers Her Cousin Brandon
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode, you’ll hear Tiffany Vaughan interviewing Taija McLuckie who lives in Courtenay, B.C. about her cousin Brandon who experienced a fatal overdose at age 26. 

Jenna Keeble 00:00
 Unsilencing Stories is a podcast that reflects the voices of people in small towns and communities in Canada, who have lost loved ones to the toxic drug supply crisis. Since 2016. More than 30,000 people have died from fatal overdoses in Canada and that number continues to climb. The risk in smaller towns and communities is much higher than urban areas because of a lack of harm reduction services, and stigma against substance use and people who use drugs. This podcast is part of a community based participatory research project facilitated by Aaron Goodman, Ph.D., a faculty member at Kwantlen Polytechnic University in Surrey B.C., along with students, Jenna Keeble, and Ashley Pocrnich. 

The aim was to assist collaborators in publicly memorializing their loved ones and expressing grief as well as challenging silences imposed by dominant media organizations and stigma from society against substance use and people who use drugs. We hope these nuanced stories make it clear why the government needs to be doing more to prevent further deaths. In this episode, you'll hear Tiffany Vaughn interviewing Taisha McLuckie in Courtenay, B.C., Taija memorializes Brandon, her cousin who experienced a fatal overdose at age 26.

Taija 01:09

My name is Taija McLuckie. 

 

Tiffany 01:11

Where do you live, Taija?

 

Taija 01:13

I currently live in Courtenay, B.C.

 

Tiffany 01:17

Is there one person that you are wanting to talk about?

 

Taija 01:21

Yeah, I want to share a little bit about my cousin, his name's Brandon.

 

Tiffany 01:28

How old was Brandon?

 

Taija 01:31

He was 26 years old. You and I were the same age. I'm 32 now, we were born four weeks apart, to the day. So, it was much like a sibling. You know that my mom and my aunt. I spent a lot of time together when we were born. My auntie Wendy was her first son, and I was the third of my mom. So, I'm sure she took some advice there of what to do.

 

Tiffany 02:05

What's your very first memory with your cousin?

 

Taija 02:10
 Oh man, you know, memories are a funny thing. When I think about him, it's kind of like a reel that like plays through my head. I was even thinking like, even like the sound of like his laugh is getting more faint and that makes me sad. We spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ house when we were really little. They had an inground pool. So, like a built-in babysitter. He has two siblings as well. Yeah, I just recall, you know, time in the basement at my grandparents’ house with them and swimming in their pool. It's just these snapshots that kind of like live in my head.

 

Tiffany 02:54

Did you go to school with your cousin as well?

 

Taija 02:57

I didn't. We lived in different cities.

 

Tiffany 03:01

How often did you guys see each other?

 

Taija 03:03

A lot. If I would say, I don't know, a few times a month, at least until I was probably, I want to say around like 10. Shortly after that, our grandparents’ blue house that they had in Port Moody was just huge. My grandparents moved up to the Okanagan. So, after they moved, we saw each other not as much as we thought they had wanted to.

 

Tiffany 03:33

If there were three words, how would you describe your cousin?

 

Taija 03:37

Funny, loving and kind.

 

Tiffany 03:41

What was your cousin's journey? What did it look like? And your role in it?

 

Taija 03:47

My memories of him. I just remember him like, you know, wanting love, wanting to be loved. Once our grandparents moved, and we saw each other less, I think there was a like a real lack of connection in his life. He didn't have a lot of friends and life changed for him. Just like the end of his high school years, just kind of getting caught up with, I guess the lonely crowd. I don't know what the last few years of his life looked like because I also was misusing a prescribed medication that ultimately led to you know, overusing that medication and supplementing that with what I could buy from the street. 

The financial situation that I was in kept me safe from where he ended up. My substance use disconnected me from everyone in my family and he was also on house where he died. So, getting a hold of him wasn’t easy. The last time I tried to reach out to him was just before he died actually, because I had done a certain strict in treatment. And I just wanted to see what I could do to help him. And I, so I reached out to his sister, and just wanted to like to know where he was or wanted to, like, talk to him, but like, tell him that it's like possible. Then she said she didn't talk to him for a while. It had been like, a few weeks, since she had talked to him and, you know, I tried to reach out to his like alias Facebook account, and he just never got the message.

 

Tiffany 05:33

Where was he unhoused, at that time? 

 

Taija 05:36

He was living in Surrey, on the streets, he was like, mainly a stimulant user. Yeah, he was not well.

 

Tiffany 05:49

Do you know if he tried to get help on his own?

 

Taija 05:53

I don't know for sure. What I do know that I think is that if there were available options to him, and compassion, that things might be different, because he just like wanted to be loved. More so than I think like the average person. Yeah, I think we're all born with a soul and some of us just like, need a little extra.

 

Tiffany 06:17

How has life changed for you since his passing?

 

Taija 06:22

I have always been like the Why Kid. There was never just like a simple answer, for me, that was ever good enough. The impact that Brandon stuff has had on me is it just like motivated me to figure out how does something like this happen? You know, how does a kid die on the street? Like, what are we missing? You know, and I spent the last couple of years working as like an outreach and support worker mental health and substance use with those that are unhoused. I have just made it a goal to understand and want to change, like the narrative. I guess something good, like came out of it. But I'm just really tired of people having to die for something good to come out of it.

 

Tiffany 07:09

I agree completely. If your cousin could come back, what would you want to say to him? What would you want to spend your day like with him? Right now? What would you do?

 

Taija 07:22

Probably go swimming. I hate swimming.

 

Tiffany 07:26

You hate swimming?

 

Taija 07:27

I do. Not a water baby at all. But he liked to swim and then I would ask him what he needs. I read that question, too. And I wrote that down. I wrote, like, what do you need?

 

Tiffany 07:39

What is missing that you're not getting in your, in your life? What's the connection, that's not happening for you to want to stay? 

 

Taija 07:48

I think that the system like that was around like him and like myself at that time told us what we needed, and what we needed to do that I was just lucky enough to get through that, you know, really, and it was hard. And what I was told, like I needed, that's not true now. I mean, it worked. But it's not true, could have been different. And I don't think that people asked him what he needed.

 

Tiffany 08:17

Do you think that component is missing from the outreach programs that do exist right now?

 

Taija 08:24

I think it's missing from the views that people who don't do this kind of like work or don't have someone that has died or don't have like that personal connection, but until it's like till everyone does it, we're just reacting.

 

Tiffany 08:39

Yeah, there's a lot to be said for actually going through an experience then gaining that compassion for the people that are going through that to actually ask the right questions to know find out what they need, and where they actually think they need the most help and guidance, right? I completely understand that. Do you remember your cousin's laugh or his smile?

 

Taija 09:03

You know what I can picture like, it just keeps like flashing before me is like, he had this huge smile, like just this, it just radiated. I wish I could describe sound.

 

Tiffany 09:16

Is there one thing that you want everyone to know about your cousin?

 

Taija 09:21

He's a human being and he deserved better, he mattered. He mattered to his mom, this almost destroyed her. And he doesn't get to see his nieces and his sister and where she is, her marriage and like, who she's become and brother and like, that's just it's so final for him. He just didn't deserve it. I don't know if that's the right word.

 

Tiffany 09:53

Are you going to do anything? Or have you done anything you honor your cousin's memory in the time that he's passed?

 

Taija 10:01

A couple years ago, Mom Stop the Harm, did a picture with the crosses in Powell River and I think it started in Calgary. And so, the woman who was a part of it and Powell River, there was probably 40 of us there and we had all these crosses made and donated. We just took a picture and joined in that movement of like, who we've lost. Both for that project and this one I'd asked my auntie's permission to, to be able to do that. And you know, I gave her a call this morning, and I was just finally email like, this is happening today. And she's like, “And I told you, you can talk about him, I love that”. But it's her son, you know, so I just want to make sure that it's what she would want for him too.

 

Tiffany 10:39

Do you think your cousin wherever he is? This might sound silly. But do you think he is playing sports? Dancing, doing art? What do you think he's doing? Wherever he may be?

 

Taija 11:15

I like to think he feels loved. I like to think that he is content and loved.

 

Tiffany 11:27

Loved overall loved.

 

Taija 11:31

Oh, yeah.

 

Tiffany 11:32

Yeah. Did he ever tell you a joke that has never left you? Or did he play a prank on you? 

 

Taija 11:40

You know, I wish I could recall those memories. I just can't, I remember eating and ice cream is in like his parents in their basement. I just remember like little moments. A memory I have with him is he's always smiling.

 

Tiffany 12:05

Yeah, what kind of candies? Because I remember eating Blue Whales like crazy.

 

Taija 12:10

Oh my gosh, those five cent candies, I don't even think they're five cents anymore. But fives cent like candies were like hardest rocks like those strawberries and the bananas and the watermelon. 

 

Tiffany 12:24

Breaking your teeth. 

 

Taija 12:25

Oh, yeah, for sure. You had to get like a potty knife to pull it off your tooth.

 

Tiffany 12:30

Absolutely. And those freezies? Oh, my goodness.

 

Taija 12:34

So yeah, like huge, like the jumbo ones.

 

Tiffany 12:38

Those are the only kind you should have. Did your cousin have a favorite saying? Or? Like, did he ever, you know end how you guys talked with a specific phrase or anything?

 

Taija 12:53

I just remember him always being, like, silly. Again. I can't like recall, like specific conversations. I'm such like a visual learner. So, like, what was said doesn't necessarily like register for me.

 

Tiffany 13:13

 Like his facial expressions? 

 

Taija 13:15

Yeah, I remember just like funny movements he would make and yeah, it's just like the visual of him in those moments are what are like ingrained.

 

Tiffany 13:29

I'd have to say the same for my brother as well. Just certain movements. That now if I see his kids doing it, it's like, there's your dad. Do you see that in his in your cousin, sisters, or mom or dad?

 

Taija 13:46

Oh man, because my cousin and his sister and I, we live so far away. I haven't even seen; I haven’t been able to see them. I mean, COVID has happened. So, I haven't really seen anyone in two years. That's had a huge impact. But yeah, no, I haven't seen them in a few years. But my kids now get with a world of technology. They have like the kid’s messenger. So, they FaceTime each other and they've actually never met in person to even remember each other. But they FaceTime each other all the time and they just did that kind of like on their own accord. So, it's pretty neat to watch our kids, like we were friends as kids and now our kids are starting to be friends and your cousins are like your first best friends.

 

Tiffany 14:39

Your cousins are always your first best friends.

 

Taija 14:42

Yeah, yeah.

 

Tiffany 14:46

I am really sorry for the loss of your cousin. I know how close I am with many of my cousins. And like you just said they are your first best friend. They really are. I know how deep that loss would be for me as well. So, I'm very sorry for the loss of your cousin.
 

Taija 15:10

Thank you. That's just not okay.

 

Tiffany 15:14

No, more needs to be done. And that's, honestly, that's why I'm doing what I'm doing. That's why you're doing what you're doing. That's why Aaron's doing what he's doing. I get so angry when I think about it,

 

Taija 15:31

I work at a warming center or did actually. And we like primarily serve people who are unhoused quite more often than not, not medicated regularly for any other mental health, just because they are on the street. Our services are super low barrier, we provide referral to everything. They get to see doctors five days a week that come in, and there's so many services that this place provides. I've personally seen someone go from being revived after an OD to who now has a job. Like a full-time job in six months, just because they were showing all this love and we're the only service in my community that has access for them. 

Last Wednesday, we had like an emergency staff meeting. We were told that we don't have funding, and we actually had to close our doors on Saturday. You know, on average, we see 75 People a day. And we said we gave them you know; two days notice they have nowhere else to go. So, it's cold in Alberta, but it is what in B.C.

 

Tiffany 16:54

That was going to be actually one of my questions. So out of my loss, I'm actually starting a foundation. I know a lot of people have started foundations, and it's a lot of work. But that's where a lot of the issues lie is the funding and the resources and, and I know here in Alberta, in the situation that we dealt with barriers, such as transportation, like something as easy as transportation is not easy for these people that need help. Right? Like, some of them have the place to go to get the help that they need, but they can't get there. There's a lot of barriers, but the financial one is, is critical. And I'm doing whatever I can to raise money to help even one person, right? Because you can't help everybody.

 

Taija 17:52

No, you can't. You know, I just want it to stop being so goddamn hard. It's like we have an expectation that the most vulnerable population is, like harder, because they have to. They say things like they have to want it. Just makes no sense. It's like telling someone who doesn't have any legs to go for a run. That's what it feels like, and we have to fight so hard for that funding and God forbid you make a mistake on a form. That's it. People who make these decisions should have to have mandatory volunteer hours at the places that they are taking the funding from. They should also have to be able to tell them because a girl who had a full-time job would have died without our services.

 

Jenna Keeble 18:42

That brings us to the end of this episode of the Unsilencing Stories podcast. To listen to more interviews in the series, please go to www.unsilencingstories.com, and if you'd like to share your thoughts on the episode, message us at unsilencingstories@gmail.com. Thank you so much for listening and please share the project with other people you know.