Jenna Keeble 00:00

Unsilencing Stories is a podcast that reflects the voices of people in small towns and communities in Canada, who have lost loved ones to the toxic drug supply crisis. Since 2016. More than 30,000 people have died from fatal overdoses in Canada and that number continues to climb. The risk in smaller towns and communities is much higher than urban areas because of a lack of harm reduction services, and stigma against substance use and people who use drugs. This podcast is part of a community based participatory research project facilitated by Aaron Goodman, PhD, a faculty member at Kwantlen Polytechnic University in Surrey, B.C., along with students, Jenna Keeble, and Ashley Pocrnich. 

The aim was to assist collaborators and publicly memorializing their loved ones and expressing grief as well as challenging silences imposed by dominant media organizations and stigma from society against substance use and people who use drugs. We hope these nuanced stories make it clear why the government needs to be doing more to prevent further deaths. In this episode, we first hear Elizabeth Sawatzky interviewing Charlene Vermeer in Chilliwack B.C., about her son Kevin Sawatzky. Kevin Sawatzky, died from an opioid overdose in 2020, 2 weeks before he would have turned 46. Later on, Charlene interviews Elizabeth about Kevin, who is her husband. Please note, this podcast contains information about overdose death, grief and trauma that may be distressing to listen to. 

Elizabeth 01:23

Can you describe a moment or a time that you shared together and what you remember most about it?

Charlene 01:28

The night before he passed away, he worked at a pizza place and as he often did, he would just pop by, and I was sitting on the couch. It was quiet, it was just him. He had a coin that I had found there. It was an old coin and a cup of chalice that I had here and so he popped in and they said, “I want to know if you know anything about this chalice”. And so, we sat for like, probably, I don't know, an hour and a half just chatting and researching. And so, our little word that we said was instead of saying “I love you”, we always said “Lah-lou”. And so that was my last words to him when he walked out the door.

Elizabeth 02:09

Is there something about Kevin that you think no one else knows? 

Charlene 02:12

Oh, boy. I don't know. Maybe that he sucked his thumb until he was 7. He was pretty proud about that one. 

Elizabeth 02:30

Were there any major changes that affected him in a big way in his life?

Charlene 02:35

I think moving to Vancouver changed him a lot. I don't think he used any drugs at all until he moved to Vancouver, maybe smoke pot or a few times whatever. Probably drank too much, but I think moving to Vancouver wasn't a good move for him. 

Elizabeth 02:49

How do you think Kevin would want to be remembered? 

Charlene 02:51

A fun, loving, happy, thunder room. He always had a great, great sense of humor. He loved everybody. He was well rewarded by everybody. He got the biggest deepest laugh ever. And he always had a joke. It didn't matter what you always had a joke. He was faced everything with a joke, and he was a good son. And he was a good husband, dad, he just loved life loved. Once he got clean, he was a total different person again, even though he was late for everything.

Elizabeth 03:24

And how will you honor his memory?

Charlene 03:28

I think the best way I can honor his memory is by trying to help others get out of this situation. Which I'm kind of doing right now. People who are fighting addiction right now. So, living with me.

Elizabeth 03:39

Tell me the funniest story about Kevin, something ridiculous he did.

Charlene 03:42

When he was a young teen, he would think of things that they could do to each other. There was about, I don't know, a group of seven or eight kids that always hung out here. And one of them they could always get him going like they could get him riled up pretty quick. So, one day, I could hear this, killing himself laughing and you could hear him two doors down where he was at his friend's place. And he and the guys had ganged up on one, well not really ganged up on, one of the other guys but decided that it was his day to be. I don't know. Maybe, he could get pretty riled. Anyways, he took his bike and hung it in the neighbor's tree. And then got the rest of everybody was just like, roaring together and he did silly little things like that, and it was fun. They took it down afterwards. I think the whole neighborhood knew that one.

Jenna Keeble 04:33

We're now going to hear Charlene Vermeer interviewing Elizabeth Sawatzky about her husband, Kevin Sawatzky, who died in 2020 at the age of 45 due to an opioid overdose.

Charlene 04:43

What is your name?

Elizabeth 04:44

So, I'm Elizabeth Sawatzky and I live in Chilliwack, BC.

Charlene 04:49

And you are related to Kevin, how?

Elizabeth 04:51

I'm married to Kevin. He was also my best friend. We've been friends our entire lives, since I was born, and we finally got married in 2016. So yeah, same guy, Kevin Sawatzky, 45 in Chilliwack.

Charlene 05:06

And Elizabeth, her mom and I were best friends, and I was there moments after she was born. Can you describe a moment or a time that you shared together?

Elizabeth 05:20

We went to see The Tragically Hip live on Gord Downie's farewell tour because Kevin loved The Tragically Hip. They are probably one of his favorite bands, which is interesting because they were a different style than a lot of his music. His other favorite band was Nirvana, which is like the opposite of the Tragic band. But we went and it was so amazing and then he kept saying, “I hope they play my favorite song; I hope they play my favorite song”, which is Fiddler's Green, which they almost never do live. And then they sang it, and he was so excited. And we stayed overnight in Vancouver and had dinner. And where we were having dinner, there was the Gord Downie fan club meeting in the back. So, they gave us a bunch of stickers and he was so excited. He says one of the best nights he ever had was going to that concert.

Charlene 06:04

Do you remember when we went to Phantom of the Opera? So that was on my bucket list? And on his bucket list, so we did that together too. Are you comfortable with his? Or can you talk about his death? And how did he die?

Elizabeth 06:21

So, Kevin is another victim of toxic drug supply. He was invited by a co-worker; he used some recreational drug that was not what he thought it was and both of them used it. By that time, she used all the time, so she didn't die. But by the time she came around, she tried to revive him, but it was too late because she had been out for hours. It was just bad drugs. It's not what he wanted. Yeah, it's why we need to fix this because then he'd be here.

Charlene 06:57

Yes, it's a crazy world out there. If he was here today, what would you ask him?

Elizabeth 07:07

Oh, what would I asked him. Do you have a secret bank account with money in it? I'd ask them why. I mean, I can think of reasons why. I mean, I feel like I knew him pretty well. And that I know he probably thought in all these years, everything I've done, I've never overdosed or if I've overdosed it's always been fixed. I've never been able to; I've never killed myself with an overdose. I think he felt a little bit invulnerable to it that he thought this is fine and because I'm using with someone I know I'm doing all the safe things, I'm using with someone else, I'm using with someone I know, the stuff they're getting hasn't killed them, but he forgot that when you haven't used drugs in so long you have no tolerance anymore. So even if there's something else mixed in, even if his coworker didn't feel it, he did. 

Before bed every night we will either put on, we had our own little play, Scratchy-Scratchy playlist. He would recite, there was a couple of poems he knew off by heart, and he would scratch my back or like draw a picture on my back or whatever, as we were lying there before bed. I was going to text reply back, Scratchy-Scratchy and that's what we always called and that was even our password for E-transfer was Scratchy. Because no one would ever figure out what it was, that was our secret code Scratchy-Scratchy. And yeah, he'd come home from work, and he'd wake me up so he could have Scratchy-Scratchy before I went back to sleep. He would stay up till two or three in the morning. That's what I miss most, is because no one else for Scratchy-Scratchy.

Charlene 08:42

I don't draw very good on your back either.

Elizabeth 08:46

You probably also don't know the entire Calvin and Hobbes called the “Nauseous Nocturne”.

Charlene 08:53

Okay with him, what would you do?

Elizabeth 08:55

Just hanging out, hang out and talk we would talk and talk and talk for hours about anything and everything and all the things. We would stay up all night and watch the stars because that was his favorite place for sure, was watching the stars. I would always sit and if I was awake when he comes from work, I would often go outside and meet him outside if it wasn't miserable out, and we will just sit in the car and watch the stars in the evening because he could watch the stars all night. That would be just the perfect day with him just hanging out. Because yeah, we wouldn't, didn't need to do anything special to have a good time. We were just enjoying each other's company. It wasn't always good, but it was always. 

He told me one time that I was best friend that he had he made it a point in general he didn't like to associate with people say he had been in treatment with or whatever because he didn't want them to bring him down essentially. But so, he told me about it. He's like, “You're my best friend”. And I said “Oh, cool”. Actually, a couple of weeks before he died, he told me stories from my childhood that I didn't remember, which was also super special because now I have the memory of him telling me of things that I didn't know about from when I was a kid. My brother being mean to me.

Charlene 10:10

Most kids would ask for, you know, a trip for their graduation, Kevin asked for a telescope. So, he loved the universe and the stars and that's where he's walking right now. Right? How will you honor his memory?

Elizabeth 10:24

I have a tattoo for Kevin. This one is the matching tattoo, we got six weeks in, I got serotonin and he got dopamine. Then this is his left ring finger like his wedding finger and my wedding finger, with the coordinates of a star we got in one of those star kits that you can name a star. Then as a star, he drew above it. I was thinking about it because he's right in there. He goes with me everywhere and my other big thing now is I'm trying to be aware and more of an advocate for safe supply and harm reduction and everything because it's one of those things so many people think is not about them and it's affecting everyone now. 

Charlene 11:09

It is. 

Elizabeth 11:09

To me, it's really become a very important issue with 2224 deaths in B.C., last year, due to toxic drug supply. It's a big issue. I'm trying to learn more about it and advocate for it because Kevin was a big proponent of safe supply and harm reduction. We had lots of talks about it and so I want to honor him by ending the stigma associated with drug use and promoting safe supply.

Charlene 11:38

For someone who never had drugs in their house, me. I've had to resuscitate with Naloxone to two people in my house and I found one person deceased. 

Elizabeth 11:52

Not at your house.

Charlene 11:53

Not my house. No, it's crazy out there. It's nasty out there right now and I just talked to a police officer just recently and they just said it's terrible. They have sometimes night after night after night that they are actually resuscitating. The supplies are never the same.

Jenna Keeble 12:10

That brings us to the end of this episode of the Unsilencing Stories podcast. To listen to more interviews in the series, please go to www.unsilencingstories.com, and if you'd like to share your thoughts on the episode message us at unsilencingstories@gmail.com. Thank you so much for listening and please share the project with other people you know.